13 Weeks / You Are Amazing

You officially turned 3 months old yesterday. March went by quickly!

In the last week I feel as though you've grown up even more. You're so full of smiles and laughs. You are discovering what your hands do. One night when you were a bit fussy we went for a walk around the house and you wanted to look at the thermostat. Then you reached out to touch it.

So now I make sure we have toys dangling above you or within your reach so you can keep discovering. You like hitting the dangling toys and making them move. 

You are still a little drool faucet at times.

And on Saturday you almost rolled right over from your back to your front! Once you have a bit more head & neck strength you'll be rolling like crazy!

I love watching you grow and develop and become more aware of yourself and your surroundings.

You are amazing.

12 Weeks / How You've Grown

This little goose is 12 weeks old.

  

I didn't post last week cause our power was out for most of the day, which meant no internet and lots of reading and playtime instead.

In the past 2 weeks my little baby has discovered she can squeal and she likes it. She's drooly as can be and likes eating her hands. We also get the occasional giggle. 

She's also mastered the art of rolling onto her side so I imagine she'll make it all the way over onto her tummy in no time.

Then it's out of the bassinet and likely into the crib since there isn't really room to roll around in there.

I'll miss her sleeping beside me and may find myself camping out on the floor by her crib when the time comes.

She's growing longer and heavier. She's almost out of her 0-3 sleepers and fitting into the 3-6 month clothing.

Though it doesn't seem possible, everyday we love her more.

Kiddo, you are the best thing to happen to us.

10 Weeks / The Most Important Message

A good friend recently had a daughter of her own and it got me reminiscing about the day my little bug was born and how wonderful life is now she's in the world (Thanks Elton John for the sentiment).

But the first few weeks were not all rainbows and sunshine. I cried almost every day over various things. I cried the first time I looked in the mirror at my no-longer-pregnant body. I was going to miss those kicks and wiggles that were only for me. I cried because I wondered if life had just changed for the worse. I cried because I dreaded the nighttime when it was dark and quiet and I was awake trying to keep my baby content. I cried because I felt like I was already failing my child because my milk took 5 days to come in and she was hungry.  

Then one night, laying on the couch in the dark living room at 3 am, watching a Kardashian marathon, a friend sent me a message asking how motherhood was going. She confessed that she, too, found it difficult to adjust to life with a newborn. She told me that it was normal to cry. And she told me the most important message we need to remember: 

You're doing a great job.

So I passed this message onto my friend because she too is now adjusting to a new way of life that will always have those days that feel long and difficult, and she needed to know. 

And we as parents need to pass that message along to others who are recovering from labour, who are exhausted, who are completely overwhelmed. The parents feeling alone at 3 am, as if they're the only person in the world awake with a hungry, crying baby. The parents feeling like there's no way they can raise a child. The parents who feel completely and utterly in over their heads.

Thank you to the mom's who have reminded me of this important message when I felt like I was failing.

Pass it on. 

We're doing a great job.


P.S. if you find yourself wondering if you're suffering with post-partum depression please also know that there is another important message: There is NO shame in asking for help. The strongest parents are the ones who take care of themselves too. 

9 Weeks Old / The Post-Baby Body

Little bug you are 9 weeks old! Look at how much you've grown in a month! You're 11 lbs now and still growing. Look at those skinny little arms and legs at one month. You're filling out and starting to look different. Some days I see a bit of myself in your face but you definitely look more like your dad.

You do seem to have inherited my spine, however. I joke I have a stego-spine because to me it sticks out like stegosaurus plates especially when I bend over. We can feel yours (don't worry, not in a worrisome way) and your dad joked that now we know you're mine.

Speaking of body parts, I thought I'd use this week's post to talk about some of the changes my body has gone through on the wonderful journey into motherhood.

For example, My hands and feet got swollen towards the end of our 41 weeks together to the point where I had to take off my wedding & engagement rings lest they grow into my skin. Most of my shoes were a tight squeeze if I could even get my feet into them. It's only been in the last 2 or 3 weeks that my rings fit the way they use to again.
But it's a reminder that there is a natural ebb and flow to life, even with the fluids in your body.
Just because your shoes don't fit doesn't mean they won't ever fit again. And if they never do, you get yourself some new, even better shoes.
I think that could be a metaphor for how to look at life.

I developed a pretty serious linea nigra that I doubt will ever fade.
And my stomach, which I always complained about but was once flat and had mild muscle definition, is now loose and undefined.
But it's a reminder that my skin and muscles stretched to make a home for you.
I'm proud of that.

My breasts grew. And just when I was getting used to the new size, my milk came in and they grew even bigger. And now when you sleep for longer periods overnight I wake up with what a friend called "porn star boobs". Holy heck the engorgement! Sometimes you're not even fully awake and I'll pull you out of the bassinet to nurse for my own relief!
The first few weeks of breastfeeding were painful and I bled one or twice while pumping. Then late last week I believe I had a blocked milk duct which made it hurt all over again.
But I love being able to breastfeed. There is something so empowering about knowing that my body is capable of providing you with all you need to survive right now.
I'm proud of that.

(Please know that if you are unable to breastfeed or choose not to for whatever reason, you're still giving your child all that they need to survive! Be proud of that)

 My body is bigger, looser, saggier, and different than this time last year.
Though there are days I long for that pre-baby body back, I know that with a bit of hard work I'll see it again.
And I'm proud of what this bigger looser, saggier, and beautiful body gave me.

It gave me you.

Now back to the squats and lunges with my 11 lb weight (that's you).
My body gave me you and you're going to help give me a tight tush for the summer.

8 Weeks Old / Guilt-Free Confession

8 weeks old! In a few days you'll be 2 months old. Since you were born on the 30th and there aren't 30 days in February, we're going with the 28th on this one.

In the last few weeks you have definitely been smiling REAL smiles and we've gotten the occasional giggle. It's more of an excited yell but to us it's giggling.
And oh  boy are you getting talkative. I have so much fun playing copy-cat and mimicking your sounds. You seem to enjoy it too.
We've been practicing tummy time more often (like we're supposed to be - oops) and your neck is certainly getting stronger. You don't always like when I strand you on your tummy but you're lifting your head up more and more and for longer. You still like looking at lights and objects that light reflects off of. You also like when we click our tongues and smack our lips. Probably because you've discovered this past week that you can smack your lips too. It's cute and hilarious when we wake up in the morning to the sound of you smacking your lips as if to say, "c'mon, guys, I'm awake and hungry and ready to play!"  

Believe me when I say that we love you more than you will know - until you have a child of your own.

Now, let me confess something to you.

The other day on Facebook, I saw a list on a friend's wall that suggested 10 Ways to really help a new mom (click HERE to read the list. It's fantastic).
While pretty much every item on that list rings true (with regards to the napping, I disappeared from a get-together-to-see-the-baby we had before you were even a week old to crawl into bed and sleep while everyone oohed and ahhed over you. I recommend every new parent do this), I felt like #8 was included on that list just for me. There have been only a few times I have been away from you for more than half an hour and those times involved me going to the grocery store.
I enjoyed grocery shopping long before you were conceived but now... it's almost like going to the spa.
It's time where I can stroll through the aisles without worrying about whether you're still asleep in your car seat, whether your car seat is really safely balanced in the shopping cart, whether I'll be able to grab items if I also have to hold and bounce you.

Yesterday, your dad watched you while I went grocery shopping, got us lattes from Starbucks, and spent $75 on wine at the LCBO. I treated myself to two bottles over $18 among others because gosh darn it, I'm worth it.

It made me realize that while I don't feel like things have changed, my life has changed dramatically.

My "me time" used to be all the time. With the exception of when I was working, I could sit back and watch tv when I wanted to, lay back and devour book after book, spend lots of time in the kitchen making dinner, wandering around the neighbourhood and stopping in to stores to browse and shop. When friends invited me to their parties I only had to check to make sure I wasn't working. When we didn't feel like cooking, your dad and I would say hey, let's go out for dinner. And we'd head out.

Now I watch tv when you're napping. When you're awake Im busy making noises to make you smile and bouncing you around. The TV is background noise.
Now I sneak in reading time when you take your morning nap, before we've abandoned the bedroom for the living room.
Now I throw ingredients into the slow cooker while you're happily occupied looking at things in your bouncy chair (this has promise as you're able to sit for longer in your chair now before you start fussing).
Now if I want to go out I plan it carefully to make sure we're not out for too long and to make sure I can get your stroller in because carrying that car seat around is not an option. It is heavy. And honestly, sometimes it's just easier to stay in than get you ready to go, get you into the car seat, into the car, then out of the car, etc. Especially since it's been -20 degrees most days. I imagine this would have been a slightly easier process if it were spring/summer.
And going out with friends? If it's a day party, yes. An evening? Pass up an opportunity to go to bed at 10 pm if you go to sleep earlier than 11:30? No way.
Now if your dad and I want to go out for dinner we have to plan ahead and make sure someone is available to watch you. We went out for dinner on Valentine's day and I'll be honest... by hour 3 I was itching to get back home to see you.

But boy was it nice to go on a date with your dad. We both got to eat our food at the same time! This is hard to do at home when one of us is holding you and keeping you happy.

It seems like the days of just making plans on the fly, or picking up and heading out are over for awhile.  

Being a new parents seems to mean giving up your time to be selfish. Not entirely but that freedom to be self-indulgent is certainly reduced.

I miss my selfish time but honestly?

I'd give it all up,  a hundred times over, to spend hours making you smile.

7 Weeks Old / My Google Search History

If you have young children, I'd bet money that at some point you've googled some topic or another that more or less boils down to wondering if you're killing your child.

I was very guilty of abusing the Google machine in the first few weeks of my child's life but I can't say that I've reformed my ways entirely.
I google things less often but I still google them.

I thought it would be fun to check through my search history and share the things I've googled with respect to caring for a newborn.

So without further ado ...

• When do babies sleep through the night? 
• When will my milk come in?
• Does Guinness help your milk come in?
• How do I know if my baby's getting enough milk?
• Why is my baby crying?
• When do babies get colic?
• What do you do all day with a newborn?
• What are the rules around drinking and breastfeeding?
• What colour should my baby's poo be?
• How can you tell if your baby is dehydrated?
• Is it normal for the soft spot to pulse?
• When does the soft spot close?
•  When will my baby smile?
• Is green poop okay when it's usually yellow?
• How often should my baby nurse?
• How long should my newborn be sleeping?
• 3 week growth spurt
• 6 week growth spurt
• When should I expect growth spurts?
• Is my baby fussy cause she's growing?
• Should I still be waking my baby every 2-3 hours to nurse?

Etc, etc.

I've curbed my googling A LOT since the first few weeks but I'm still guilty of secretly googling things when I start to worry. It can be scary ('your child is dehydrated! Bring them to the ER immediately!') and it can be incredibly reassuring ('your kid slept for 5 hours straight? Don't wake them to feed, they're fine. Consider yourself lucky and go back to sleep!').

Yes, my child did sleep a solid 5 hour stretch one night and it was glorious. No it hasn't happened more than two or three times. But yes, I know how lucky I am that I even got that much continuous sleep. 

And yes, when I wake up in the middle of the night before she does I still put my hand on her chest or poke her to make sure she's still breathing. 

I can't google that kind of reassurance for my first-time-mom worries. 

6 Weeks Old / What Will Your Favourites Be?

Oh baby baby, how you've grown and changed in just 6 short weeks.

You've been smiling and cooing and it has become my life's mission to make you smile and coo.
You love laying on your back (a game we call 'bug on the rug'), especially on the change table. You kick your legs and stretch your arms and look all around you. 
I make the weirdest animal noises I can think of (my personal favourite being the wild cat/cougar). I tickle your toes and ask you any question I can think of. 
You seem to like the monkey noise and the wild cat noise best. You also really like your toy Mortimer the Moose (from Rimouski, as per your father) with his crinkly feet. But I don't know what a moose sounds like.

I wonder what your favourite animal will be.

Last week I tried to read you a book but you were fussy and you started crying. I don't want you to think reading is no good. I want you to love books like I do.
We're taking you to PEI this summer for a wedding and a road trip to basically-New-Brunswick-Quebec for another wedding the weekend after so you and I are going to read Anne of Green Gables. 
Then we're going to read Harry Potter. 
And Charlotte's Web.
And all of my favourites.

I wonder what your favourite books will be.

Some nights, waiting for your dad to get home, we decide we've watched too much tv and we dance to music instead. You seem content with whatever song I put on. Taylor Swift, Missy Elliot (a resurrected love post Super Bowl cameo), Alt-J, Lil Wayne, Robert Delong....
The first week you were home you used to get fussy in the evenings. One night your dad danced with you while the Single Ladies video was on. You stopped fussing and were transfixed. 
We think you're a Beyonce fan.
Today in the car while listening to the radio I wondered what your first concert will be. I hope we go together.

I wonder what your favourite songs will be.

I don't want you to grow up faster than you need to but little bug I can't wait to really meet you.