20 Weeks / Important Life Lessons

Full disclosure - this post is a day late because of the long weekend. I forgot yesterday was not Monday and was, in fact, Tuesday.

Awhile ago, when I was googling any and every thing mom-related, I read an article written by a mother who resented being told that someday she would wish for what she was currently complaining about. 
Like, "oh, don't complain about having to carry your kid all the time. Someday they won't want you to pick them up and you'll wish you could have that time back."
And I got the author's point - let me complain! I'm tired! My back hurts! I haven't showered in almost a week! Just because you complain doesn't mean you don't cherish the moments with your kid, good and bad.

Then the point really hit home last week.
I was trying to get Evelyn used to napping in her crib during the day because someday we'll eventually transition her into it at night (she'd be fine, it's us who want to keep her beside us) and it would allow me some hands-free time during the day to just do whatever.
I tried a few days in a row with minimal success. She'd fall asleep nursing and then, when I felt pretty certain she was asleep I would gently lay her down in the crib...
and then the eyes would fly open.
I tried giving her 5 minutes to settle herself but it either ended with her crying or happily looking around at all the toys in her room. 
There was no sleep to be had in the crib.
And not-so-great day naps translated to fussy evenings.

So eventually I gave up, somewhat frustrated, and let her nap on my chest again because at least it guaranteed a longer, more restful nap. 

And while I was complaining about having less time to prep dinner, etc, I realized I can't really complain about these moments that are no doubt fleeting. As long as she sleeps better nestled on me then we'll cuddle chest-to-chest. 
She won't always want to cuddle. Someday she'll be too big and too grown up to want to.
And truthfully, there is nothing more I love than having her fast asleep on my chest. I get to kiss her head, watch her sweet face, feel her breathe, and feel my heart swell with more love than I ever, ever thought possible. 

So just know that I DO cherish every moment and I know that some day, probably sooner than I realize, she'll be grown up and independent and won't need me.

I cherish every single second.
But sometimes I also want some me time. 
If I complain, just let me. 
I only half mean it. 

19 Weeks / Mother's Day

My first ever Mother's Day was wonderful. 
Last year I was pregnant with Evelyn and we celebrated a sort of Mother-to-be Day but there is  nothing quite like being a mother. 

Though I don't have as much insight as mom's who have been around the block with more than one kid, here's what I've learned in 4 short months about motherhood. 

Being a mother means loving someone so much that there aren't words to describe it.

Being a mother means knowing someone intimately while knowing nothing about them at all, seeing more of who they will become every day.

Being a mother means some days you don't get time to take a shower or have the energy to change into clothes.

Being a mother means feeling frustrated and heavy-armed when your child wants to be held all day but then deeply missing the weight of them when someone gives you a break. 

Being a mother means trying unsuccessfully to convince your child to nap independently but not really minding when you realize they just want to sleep snuggled against you. The dishes and dinner can wait.

Being a mother means coming up with ridiculous songs to make your baby smile.

Being a mother means saying no to invitations to go out because your baby gets tired and fussy at 8 pm and needs to go to sleep.

Being a mother means falling asleep earlier most nights than you have in years because you wake up throughout the night to nurse your baby, to listen to her gently breathing, or just to look at her.

Being a mother means tough days that make you want to cry.

Being a mother means folding tiny laundry and wondering how your baby has already grown out of her clothing.

Being a mother means watching your child discover and learn things while your heart bursts with pride.

Being a mother means looking at your baby and seeing features that look like you and your partner.

Being a mother means secretly being proud when your own mother says, "she reminds me so much of you as a baby - didn't want to nap and miss anything."

Being a mother means loving your partner in a completely new way, watching them love their daughter and knowing that together you made such a perfect, beautiful little creature.

Being a mother means appreciating all of the sacrifices your own mother made and understanding the depth of her love for you, and loving her in a completely new way too.

But mostly, to me, being a mother means loving your baby with every inch of your being, even when they make you crazy, and realizing that you would do anything, give anything, to give your child a happy, healthy life. 

Happy (belated) Mother's Day to every mother out there - biological moms, step-moms, foster moms, adoptive moms, aunts who love their nieces and nephews like moms, grandmoms, etc.

18 Weeks / My squealing piglet

This post is a day late because *someone* didn't want to go down for a decent nap yesterday...

which left me with not a lot of time to try and do the things I wanted to do.

Like write this blog post.

But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. 

I like that I no longer spend my days trolling the internet for gossip, funnies, and social media updates. I mean, I obviously do it when the bug is asleep but that's not the point here. 

I spend my day trying to make my daughter laugh and making sure she's stimulated and that her tummy is full and her bum is dry. 

I also spend part of each day trying to lull her into a nap in her crib so I can have at least a fraction of hands free time. 

This week has already felt long (it's only Wednesday...) but I think that's a combination of inconsistent naps plus the following new developments:

1. Baby Ev has learned how to squeal. Loud. In my ears. Often also while pinching my arms/neck/whatever skin she can get her tiny little hands on. She squeals when she's happy and when she's ready to be picked up out of her exersaucer and when she sees the cat and.... pretty much at all times.

2. Baby Ev is going through the 4 month sleep regression. Admittedly her night time sleep schedule has started to get better again (a good 4 or 5 hour chunk followed by 3 hour blocks) and she has consistently gone to bed around 9 pm for almost the last week. This has meant more mommy-daddy time to enjoy a glass of wine on the couch sans baby before we start falling asleep on said couch, usually by 9:30. The sleep regression has left us with a fussy baby who cries almost inconsolably for 30-60 mins every night around 8 pm until she falls asleep. It is frustrating and heartbreaking as there doesn't seem to be anything we can do for her. I gave her tylenol one night when it was bad in case she was hurting. Thankfully it hasn't been that bad again since. Bad, but not that bad.

3. Baby Ev sings us awake from her bassinet at 3 am and then wakes up ay 6:30 every morning. While I enjoy spending the time with John before he leaves for work, I'm really starting to miss my bed. This explains why we've been falling asleep by 9:30 and also why the days feel longer. They start earlier. 

Thankfully she's cute and entertaining and generally happy. 

Here's hoping the rest of the week flies by so we can enjoy a nice weekend with Daddy (and he can have HIS ears squealed off instead).

If you're on Instagram and want to see daily cute pictures of my little bug follow us @NineTenEvelyn :)

17 Weeks / Wonder Woman

You'll be 4 months old in 2 days.
I was going to wait until then to set up your exersaucer but I couldn't wait and we set it up yesterday. You loved it right away - the toys to move around and chew on, possibly even more so the freedom it allows you to stand and move around and look at things. 

You are already so strong. 
THEN - 
just when I thought you were getting so big you did a complete back-to-front roll this morning. 
3 times in a row!
The trick, I think, was a combination of putting a teething toy just out of reach and letting you be pants free. 

Let's be honest, everything is better without pants. 

My strong girl. You amaze me every single day. 

Also - if you're on Instagram and want to follow my daily picture diary of my little bug follow us @NineTenEvelyn 

16 Weeks / Tidbits

First things first: WELCOME TO THE WORLD MACKENZIE!

Ev's new friend was born yesterday just before midnight. My best friend endured a gruelling 36 hour labour sans epidural (they tried 3 times and it wouldn't take) then eventually had to be taken in for a c-section. But baby Mackenzie was born healthy and strong and is absolutely beautiful.

Big props to T for hanging in through an incredibly tough birth!

As I showered today, I thought about how things have changed, almost 4 months post-partum.

Pro: I fit back into my clothes! Although maybe not now after 3 large cookies and a lot of chocolate today. It's like having a totally new wardrobe. I haven't worn a lot of these items in a looooong time. 

Con: my hair is falling out at an alarming rate. I understand this is quite common but I don't know how I still have hair left on my head.

This is how much hair comes out of my head per hair wash. Not pictured: the amount that comes out when I brush my hair, run my hands through my hair, or when Ev grabs a fistful of it.  

Pro: Ev is starting to nap for longer during the day when I put her in her crib. 

She usually only sleeps for decent periods of time when she's on one of us, so having that hands-free time during her naps really allows for actual free time.

Con: on Sunday she napped for an hour in the crib and I puttered around the house because I didn't know what to do with myself.

Almost 4 months old!

Her new favourite things include looking at and touching my phone, the thermostat, and cups/mugs.

Here she is enjoying an empty coffee mug this morning. 

That's my girl.

15 Weeks Old / This Post is a Week Late

Last week, when I should have posted but forgot to, you were 15 weeks old.

And it was exactly one year to the day when I found out I was pregnant with you.You were just the size of a poppyseed then. Hard to believe.

I was at work and my period was due to start that day according to my ovulation app (they really do have an app for everything).  I was working a 12 hour day shift and on my evening break I figured I would run to the store and grab a pregnancy test just to see. In all honesty my thought process was, "I'll take the test and then when it comes up negative I can stop and grab a bottle of wine on the way home." 

So I peed on the stick in the breakroom bathroom on my break.

And what you see in the picture above was what I saw when the 2 minutes were up.

My heart jumped into my throat.

I was so excited. 

I wrapped the test in paper towel and kept it in my bag for the remainder of my shift, all the while smiling and squeeeeeeeeeeeing on the inside. I'm surprised my coworkers didn't ask why I was so happy.

John picked my up from work and strangely asked if I had gotten a tan as he said I looked different. I joked that I was glowing.

When we got home I told him I brought him something from work (usually this would be something courtesy of the amazing kitchen staff). I handed him the paper towel and when he opened it up I watched as several emotions crossed his face simultaneously. 

We laughed, we cried, we made a face that is best described as "holy shit, what have we done?" 

And you know what we did?

The best thing we've ever done.

We made you.

We've known you existed for a year and we've known you in the outside world for 15 weeks (*16 cause this post is late).

I didn't get to have that wine for another 10 months but seeing that test come back positive made for one exciting evening.  

14 Weeks / Of Days To Come

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend!

We celebrated with both of our families and enjoyed lots of food and chocolate, as is to be expected.

I got to thinking about the holidays and how much more fun they are going to be in the coming years. 

I can't wait to hide Easter eggs and have our sweet little bunny search around trying to find them, while I eat most of the chocolate I purchased for the hunt. 

Same with Christmas. I'm excited for the belief in Santa and for the excitement when she heads to bed on Christmas Eve. 

And the cute Halloween costumes (and, again, more candy for me).

The magic of the holidays is going to come back full force and then some. 

Speaking of holidays, today is my dad's birthday!

Happy birthday Dad!

I plan on making up holidays in which I sign the kids out of school to spend the day exploring Toronto Island, much like you did for Robin and I. 

And I expect Ev will be signed out an additional day to do the same with you ;)

We love you!